It was a beautiful day in my neighbourhood. The birds were chirping, the sun was shinning, and the KKK was being racist. All was good until my friend Dan called me.
You see, I was a huge fan of the Simpsons; it was one of my favourite shows of all time. But over the years the show’s quality started to decline, probably due to the writers being low on ideas. It wasn’t funny like it used to be, so I stopped watching it. But Dan, who was an intern at Fox, called me over to his place with the promise of something special. When I got there, he said that he found a rejected episode of the Simpsons, and knowing how much of a fan I was, he called me over so we could watch it together. I agreed to do.
Before we started watching, Dan went to get a bag of chips. We talked for a while. I asked him how he found this episode. He said that he snooped up on a conversation these two people were having. They were talking about how “This episode should not be seen by anyone!” But Dan had his ways, and he did end up finding it. What he thought was strange was that those two people didn’t look like they work at Fox. Before he said anything else he found the chips. We sat down on the couch and begin to watch the episode. But then Dan’s mom came in and started to talk. “Dan, I didn’t know that you were having you friends over.” Dan replied with “Holy shit mom, it’s not a problem!”
“I’m not saying it is, just that I wasn’t informed.”
“It’s none of your damn business, just get off my fucking back for once!”
Then she left to go grocery shopping. Dan’s mom is a filthy bitch.
We put the DVD into the player and at first there was nothing. For 6.66 seconds there was red static, until it went to the normal Simpsons title sequence. But it looked different. The font was all HYPER REALISTIC, like if you touched the screen you could actually feel the font. But then I thought for a while. What does font feel like? Anyway, at the end of the title sequence, the Simpsons family did the usual skit where they sit on the couch and something weird happens. But for 9.807 seconds the only thing Dan and me saw was the couch, with the absence of the Simpsons family. Then it cut to the episode. Again, there were no Simpsons members on it. For a whole minute, all we saw was the couch. Dan got bored so he went up to the DVD player to take the disc out, but then out of nowhere the Simpsons appeared. Dan sat down and we continued to watch. For a moment there I thought it was a cursed video where all the characters kill themselves or something. That title sequence was strange, but for the rest of the episode everything was normal.
So you may be asking: How was the episode? It was good. Really really good. In fact it was great. It was the GREATEST EPISODE OF THE SIMPSONS EVER MADE! The jokes were funny, the animation was smooth and the plot was well written. The episode was also longer then any normal episode; it was double the length of a regular one. I thought at first that it would be shit, because the Simpsons hasn’t been good lately, and if this episode was rejected, it was probably bad. But I was wrong, which made me think. “Why would it be rejected?” But then I saw the ending. There was a final message, which said: “This is the final episode we are ever making. Thank you so much for making the Simpsons have a excellent run!”
That was supposed to be the show finale? Why was it not released? But then these two people opened the door. They dressed in black suits and had silenced pistols in their hands. One of then spoke up. “You have seen too much. Get on your knees and await your end.” Dan got up and exclaimed, “It’s you guys! You were the ones who wanted this episode to never be seen for the general public! But it was a fitting end to the Simpsons. Why would you do this!?!” The man in the suit paused for a while. “If that is to ever be released on T.V, then the Simpsons will be no more. No more Simpsons, no more money. And 75% of the U.S government’s money is a result for the Simpsons. We need that money for a very important upcoming task. Now that you know the truth, we will have to kill you two.” The men in suits shot Dan 3 times in the head. I sprung up and ran, but it was too late. I was shot in the asshole 47 times. The men destroyed the DVD and then walked out of the house, thinking I was dead. 3 hours passed. I couldn’t move my legs or my butt cheeks. I knew I would bleed out and die. But then Dan’s stupid whore mother came into the house with bags of groceries. She quickly called 911 and I was sent to the hospital. I eventually feel into a coma.
When I awoke a year later, I had forgotten everything about that episode. And when I looked out of the hospital window, I saw Evil Patrixxx roaming around, with destroyed buildings everywhere. I sat down on my bed, until my butt bones fell out though my ass skin. God dammit not again!